Appreciating Those Who Helped in a Crisis is Another Step in the Healing Process

We’ve all probably found ourselves in a situation where we feel lost and it seems like the world is ending. When we get in those situations, the best feeling in the world is having someone to support you. At the time, it may not feel like you’re being supported, but later we come to realize it was the best thing for us. Recently I’ve found this to be the case, and it’s the next step in the process of me accepting my whole self, even the things I perceive as flaws.

Recognizing You Were Saved

In another post I wrote about my struggles learning to live with the memories from volunteering after Hurricane Katrina. Years of covering up my emotions made me angry, lost and afraid of myself. I fought and continue to fight bouts of depression and anxiety, although this has lessened over the years. While there’s been much relief to be able to sit in a room and talk about the event without feeling the need to leave, I was missing one major step in the process.

The last several weeks have been a mostly internal struggle as I’ve seen documentaries pop up and heard the hurricane discussed. However, even when my class moved to discussing the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina last week, I flinched but stuck with them. They had questions about what it was like to live during the event, and I was able to share some of my personal experiences.

This was all quite new to me. In the past, I would change the topic or remove myself from the room. There were butterflies. My heart beat faster. I held back tears as some unwanted memories popped into my head. I composed myself, led a class discussion and was relieved when it was over. At the same time, I felt relief that I could share a bit and use my story to teach. That’s when I realized I was closer than ever to being saved from myself.

Thank You Isn’t Easy, It Feels Strange

With the realization that I could control my emotions and be comfortable with myself, I recognized there was something I hadn’t done. I never thanked the people who put up with all my outbursts. I was avoiding confronting the people who stood by me, even when my attitude was unpredictable.

This isn’t to say I was ignoring them. To be clear, I have great respect for these people. They are my closest friends, mentors and people I would do anything for. I never said thank you for standing by and fighting to save me.

Deep down I’ve always known they knew how I felt, but that wasn’t the point. I needed to say thank you so I knew they knew. Moreso, I needed to thank them so I could support myself and move through the process.

Reaching out to people who have been important to you for years and whose relationships with you have evolved can feel very strange. Waiting years can be awkward. Moreso, saying thank you in general can be uncomfortable. However, when I did this, it was a relief and opened new doors to our relationships.

Letting Them Know They’re Appreciated

There were three people who were extremely instrumental in changing my life. Our relationships weren’t always easy. At times they were my supervisors. Other times, they were colleagues who were concerned. Eventually, they became trusted friends.

The process was tough for them and for me. Sitting with them when they confronted me about getting help sometimes made me angry. I didn’t believe there was anything wrong with me. I would debate with them or make excuses. Their response. Listen, stay calm and respond in a manner that made it difficult for me to fight back. Their years of patience never went unnoticed, but I never acknowledged them either. We continue to build our relationships but saying thank you and letting them know how I felt needed to be done. If not for them, then for me.

This might sound selfish. Maybe it is. We are taught that telling someone thank you is to acknowledge what they’ve done. That’s true. However, when you’ve “been in the trenches,” so to speak, and saved, it becomes a must. It’s a step in the process of rebuilding yourself. No matter how they take it, it openly lets them know how you feel. Doing this also reminds you of how important they are to you.

Make it Personal, No Need to Be Public

This seems a bit awkward to say make it personal, especially since I’m writing about the experience. Everyone doesn’t need to know what happened. While aspects of the experience were public, the interventions and support are often private. At least in my case. Therefore, why make it public?

There are experiences I share, but what happened between us is between us. I recognize they helped me because they cared about me, not for attention. Why should I say thank you to the whole world? It’s about respecting yourself, them and the relationship you’ve established. I’m not saying there aren’t times that require public comments. Keeping it private protects the relationship while still achieving what’s necessary.

How Did I Say Thank You

I’ve been thinking about this for years, but after making it through another tough year more successfully than ever, it was time. We live too far away now, so a face-to-face meeting wasn’t possible. Calling can be difficult at times, especially during busy times of the year since we’re all educators. So, I sent a long text.

It’s not the most personal, but writing is cathartic for me. I also tend to get more out when I write than when I talk. I can get tongue tied or nervous. This causes me to cut it short, especially in emotional situations.

When I had time. One text was sent late in the evening. The other, in the morning. The last, hasn’t been sent yet because the time is not right for them. I wrote seperate texts based on what I needed to say to each person. I read. Reread. Reread several more times. Finally, I hit send and prayed the outcome would be fine. I get nervous when I say thank you because I worry about reactions.

They responded. Talked about it in a limited manner. Then moved on to other conversations. It was said. They didn’t gloat and we moved on. That’s who they are. I was relieved. They knew how I felt. We all knew the years of effort made a difference.

Thank You is a Relief

It sounds strange that two words can completely change you. We usually hear people saying that asking for help changes you, and I can tell you from experience that it does. When you’ve been helped and realize it. Saying “thank you” can be one of the biggest reliefs in the whole process.

It changes you because you no longer wonder if some of the most important people in your life know what you’ve been thinking all along. The process allows you to move forward because now you’ve mended any doubts you may have had about how the arguing and fighting impacted your relationship. You are relieved because you’ve achieved another difficult step. Thank you opens doors to new possibilities and to evolve your relationship with people who truly matter.

Say thank you. Talk about it, if it’s necessary. Enjoy the relief. Move through the process to the next step, whatever that may be. Ultimately, it’s about loving them and continuing to learn to love yourself.